Valley
Patriot

We'll Laugh... We'll Cry..

and We'll Owe it All to GREG

He hates his family and publicly airs his personal attacks against them on a web site.
He has been thrown out of almost every bar and liqueur establishment in the Merrimack Valley.

He forces himself on candidates for office and then is "shocked" that they do not "kiss the
ground I walk on for giving them the honor of having Gregg Hyatt working on their campaign."

Yeah, it's tough to be Gregg. The whole world is plotting against you and you can't even
buy friends who will listen to your obsessive threats and delusions of importance. 
What's an angry guy to do?

Well, you could call into radio programs and verbally accost the chief of police in
your home town because he wont do anything about the invisible man you see
running around your apartment.

Or you could just keep showing everyone your "secret folder" to convince the
world (one person at a time) that you really aren't crazy.

…or, you could run for office.

Now that's the kind of fantasy reporters and political junkies like myself only
dream about.

Just picture it, Gregg referring to himself in third person telling voters they should
be so lucky "as to have a candidate like Gregg Hyatt allow you to vote for him!"

And it's a good outlet for Gregg. He can use the publicity surrounding his campaign
to personally attack everyone who has ever frowned at him. (I would suggest he goes alphabetically)

And if he wins (don't think for a minute that he can't) he can start a nationwide search
for a more professional police chief, one who will take this invisible man thing a little more seriously.

Can you imagine the daily headlines in the Tribune?

"Mayor Hyatt proposes law to stop Bar owners from ejecting patrons"

"Mayor Hyatt Calls in FBI to find Invisible man"

Every day would be like Christmas Morning when the Tribune showed up at your doorstep!

Well, we can dream can't we? And it's not out of the realm of possibility. Gregg Hyatt could
win if he just pumped literature into the community about his platform and his ideas.
On that front he is a solid contender.

But Hyatt would have to suppress that megalomania and lock himself in a vault until election
day if he wants to win a final election. Every voter who is unlucky enough to have the
"Gregg Hyatt experience" is another vote for someone else. And if he is foolish enough to
show up at a debate (I am feverishly working to put one together) he could cause spontaneous
combustion in the community when he graces us all with the deep thoughts inside his head.

Oh, if campaign season were only longer. It just doesn't seem fair that we only have a few
months to "experience Gregg" in a high profile campaign.

But don't worry, we'll have debates, radio interviews and I'm even thinking about releasing
a tape of "Gregg Hyatt's most insane phone messages" from my telephone answering machine.

(I play them for myself when I need cheering up.) 

Yeah, It's a dangerous place deep in the mind of Gregg Hyatt and an even more dangerous
place if you are within ear shot of his spontaneous outbursts ("clean up on aisle 3") while
trying to go about your daily life.

But if you are a voter in Methuen you have to put all that aside.

Who cares if he is paranoid and delusional? Who cares that he is desperate to relive his old
glory days when important people cared what he thought about the world? Who cares that
he doesn't play well with others?

All the voters should care about is whether Gregg Hyatt can do the job and do it in the most
entertaining way possible.

And I think he can!

A vote for Gregg is like a vote for free ice cream.

Stay tuned!