Do
grandparents have a constitutional right to visit
their grandchildren against the wishes of the
parents? This is the question currently being
debated by the U.S. Supreme Court. When the
debate is over, their answer will profoundly
effect the lives of everyone. As with any
proposed change in the law, you need to think
about how the Court’s decision will effect
YOU! Everyone has a different perspective on
that. So I thought I would break from tradition
this week and share my personal experiences and
feelings on the subject.
As someone who spent many childhood years living
with my grandparents, (who regularly protected me
from abuse) and as someone who has fought for the
rights of the elderly my entire life; my first
instinct is to side with grandparent’s
rights. After all, my real mother and step mother
(my fathers second wife) were so abusive that my
grandparents, aunts, and uncles literally had to
save my life more than once. If my grandparents
hadn’t been able to visit me, they
wouldn’t have known what was going on. I
wouldn’t be alive today, it’s that
simple. It only makes sense to give grandparents
visitation rights with their grandchildren. After
all, there are many abusive parents out there.
Giving grandparents the right of mandatory
visitation provides one more opportunity to
detect abuse and neglect at home. This law would
go a long way towards protecting kids who are in
the same position I was in at two years old, and
at five, and at eight. It also gives these
elderly people a chance to see their precious
grandchildren. How can anyone be against that?
As I began to think about my own experiences
growing up, however, something began to trouble
me. My grandparents, aunts and uncles saved me
from a lifetime of abuse. But now I am an adult,
and the woman who gave birth to me WILL, by law,
become the grandmother to MY children someday. Do
I really want the woman who tried to take my life
as a child having access to MY children against
MY wishes?
After all, my real mother and step mother were
never arrested for their crimes. It was a
different time back then. They have no criminal
record for what they did. The courts would surely
look at them now and assume they are pillars of
the community. As a future parent I would have no
right to protect my own kids from someone I KNOW
is a danger to children. That is, if the Court
grants a CONSTITUTIONAL right to grandparents.
It would be WONDERFUL if grandparents could see
their grandchildren when there is a split or
divorce in the family. It would be great for the
elderly to become one more layer of protection
for kids who are being abused at home. Kids
deserve to be protected. All kids! Especially
from the parents who are abusers. But the
consequences of this law strip away any GOOD
parent’s right to protect their children.
And let’s face facts, despite my childhood,
there are more parents who DON’T abuse their
children, than parents who do.When weighed
against the reality that some grandparents were
not even fit to be with their OWN children, how
can we even THINK about putting our kids at the
mercy of these
strangers? Because that is what many of these
grandparents are today, strangers.
I am not disputing that some grandparents are
better fit to raise children than the parents who
bore them. I applaud the grandparents who try. I
am not saying grandparents should have no right
to see their grandchildren. I am simply saying
that the right to see your grandchild should be
determined by the mother and father, not the
government. It breaks my heart to see GOOD
grandparents denied the right to visit their
grandchildren. Especially when I know there are
kids in this city who are going through the same
type of abuse and brutality that I suffered. Some
kids even have it worse. But, our government MUST
do more to identify bad parents and take their
children away FOREVER! Then, and only then,
should the government consider the grandparents
for mandated visits! It should be done on a case
by
case basis, and only after abuse or neglect has
been established.
If the Supreme Court really wanted to grant
Constitutional Rights to anyone, they should give
CHILDREN the right to be free from abusive
parents. PERMANENTLY! Once a parent has proven
that they are a danger to their child, society
has a DUTY to remove them for good. Abusive
parents (who will someday be grandparents) follow
a pattern of behavior. Once an abuser, always an
abuser...(I repeat) ALWAYS AN ABUSER! That means
they will ALWAYS be a threat to their children.
They will always be a threat to other
people’s children, and someday, they’ll
be a threat to their GRANDCHILDREN. I can’t
see any right more important than a child’s
right NOT to be at the mercy of a known
abuser. For that reason alone,
The Supreme Court needs to vote NO on
grandparent’s rights.
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