Jim Cassidy, Senior Moments

Senior Moments
BEACON OF HOPE
Jim Cassidy

Who am I? It’s July, school is out, people are on vacation, towns are preparing for their 4th of July celebrations, everyone’s having fun ... but I’m still in a hazy numbness, a perpetual fog if you will, for I am still grieving the loss of my beautiful wife Lorraine, who passed away from this earth in April.

Why am I writing about this traumatic crisis so soon? An old Turkish proverb says: “those who conceal their grief find no remedy.” So I find that writing on my feelings is somewhat of a remedy and is also therapeutic in the healing process of grief. It may also help other seniors or even younger people who might lose a spouse to death, one of life’s most traumatic experiences.

Few events can affect you so profoundly and bring such upheaval to every aspect of your life. You know that the death of your spouse changes everything ... including what you hoped your future would be.

Before I continue, I would like to take this opportunity to thank Ted Tripp, who wrote a beautiful tribute to Lorraine in last month’s Valley Patriot, titled “Tribute to a Special Lady.” Thank you Ted ... it was beautiful and was appreciated by many people in the valley who commented on it to me. My own family was deeply touched. There are many people, friends and family, out there to see you through this emotional crisis, as I have already found out.

My own immediate family has been of immense support to me. The North Andover Senior Center has guided me and drawn me to ways of coping with grief, with new friends who are in the same position as myself. Their newest grief session called “Beacon of Hope” is set up where we can express our feelings and get help from others in attendance.

Often just hearing how others have coped with their own losses will help. Seek out other widowed persons ... sup-port groups can be a godsend. You can tell your stories and listen to those of others. The topics you will cover will range from the confusing and compli-cated emotions of grief, to problems you have in finding a reliable plumber or electrician. You’ll know that you are not alone, and that what you are exper-iencing is normal. Most importantly, you’ll learn that others have found a way through their grief, that they have sur-vived, and that you can too. Yet, even with the support of others, there are times you may still know a devastating loneliness.

The most significant person in your life, after all, is gone, and no one can suddenly and completely step in to fill that emptiness. At those times, you may just have to let yourself be with your loneliness. Bring it to God in prayer. Be open to what it can teach you.

Karen Katafiasz, Director of Communications for the Sisters of Benedict, says it best in how to take heart for the future: “After the death of your spouse, you know that your life will never be the same. But it can be good again, and rich and rewarding, and filled with meaning and love. There will be tough times ahead, but believe you will get through them, as others have. The grieving process is a journey of rebirth. When your spouse died, so did your life together on earth. And so did a part of you.

It’s time now for transformation. You can begin with small steps to reshape your life. You have a reason for living and a future worth living for. There will come a time when you realize that something as last has changed. The realization will dawn gradually, imperceptibly, like the sun rising on a new day. The sharpness of the pain will be gone, and memories will make you smile. You will recognize that wonderful, familiar sensation called hope. You will know peace.”
- For life must go on. -

Jim is Vice-Commander of American Legion Post #219. He served as a combat infantryman in WWII, fighting in France and Germany with the 70th Infantry Division. Jim Cassidy was awarded the Bronze Star for his service. You can email him with questions or comments at: Cassperryst@aol.com

*Send your questions comments to ValleyPatriot@aol.com
The June, 2006 Edition of the Valley Patriot
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