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Senior Moments
Jim Cassidy

The Death of Mr. Comon Sense

It’s June, June, June and its finally bustin’ out all over to get us out of the extended winter doldrums, which have extended through May. Because of this phenomena I thought it would be a good time to lighten up my column and turn to a long time friend and colleague of mine. He is a good old Texas boy associated with Texas A&M University - A&M stands for Agriculture and Mining and in that part of the country, anyone connected with the University is referred to as an “Aggie.”

The jokes surrounding Aggies in Texas are the same jibes that we give to the Polish, Italians and Irish, all in good fun. In other words, it’s not pretty. My friend I. J. Schenkir (note: all country boys are either named Billy Bob, Bobby Joe or have initials for their first name such as I. J.) is an e-mail fanatic. Each week he sends me volumes of stories, jokes or just plain Southern platitudes that are loaded with country truths or Aggie witticisms.

Here is one of his recent epistles sent to me that you might enjoy: I. J. wonders what happened to Common Sense. He asks: Why do drug stores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front? Why do people order double cheeseburgers, french fries and a diet coke?

Why do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters?

Why do we leave cars outside worth thousands of dollars and put our useless junk in the garage? He says its due to an obituary he read on the death of Mr. Common Sense. “Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense. Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn’t always fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge). His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student, but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, then spilled a bit on her lap and was awarded a huge financial settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by two stepbrothers, My Rights and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this message on; if not, join the majority and do nothing.” Mr. Sense was right-on in my book.

Enjoy your summer.  

Jim Cassidy is former Commander of the American Legion POST 219, the Council on Aging in North Andover. You can send your comments to Jim Cassidy at ValleyPatriot@aol.com

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