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Nobody's Perfect
by Hartley Pleshaw

"The rich are very different from you and me," F. Scott Fitzgerald is said to have said. "Yes, they have more money," Ernest Hemingway is said to have replied. Most people think Hemingway had the best of the exchange, his sharp-witted reply having put the pompous Fitzgerald in his place. But F. Scott of Princeton knew whereof he spoke far better than Papa of Key West did.    

Fitzgerald's ultimate triumph over Hemingway was his knowledge that what the wealthy did to get and stay rich, and the riches themselves, made for a different "class" of person, in every sense of the word.    

America has always had a schizoid attitude toward wealth; as a society, we simultaneously celebrate both elitism and egalitarianism. Patrician-turned-class traitor Gore Vidal probably said it best: "Social climbing is one of the most fun games our class-free society has to offer."

As she contemplates spending the next several years in prison, Martha Stewart no doubt wonders where she went wrong. She played by all the rules (save one); as much as anyone, she was a real-life Horatio Alger character. By quite literally catering to the wealthy, she became one of them (and how!). The lower classes, in turn, catered to her. They could never dream of being invited to one of her parties, but they could always buy a souvenir. To put it in terms she could understand very well, Martha Stewart sold the sizzle to those who couldn't afford the steak, the frosting to those who couldn't afford the cake. And America bought it all.
 
Offhand, it's hard to find a better example of the American Dream turned into reality than the life of Martha Kostyra Stewart. To young Martha, from her blue-collar, New Jersey perspective, the skyline of Manhattan no doubt seemed like the Great Wall of China, blocking passage to the Promised Lands of Westchester County, the Hamptons and Connecticut. But, she was not without weapons: a brilliant intelligence, a volcanic drive to succeed, stunning good looks and, yes, a Vision.  

Martha Stewart became to women what Hugh Hefner was to men and Walt Disney was to children: the Great American Fantasy come to life. She became the embodiment of a "lifestyle," an "attitude," a "philosophy" that few could ever dream of attaining, but all wanted, in some small way, to be a part of. Turkey Hill became to women what the Playboy Mansion was to men and Disneyland was to children.    

Stewart stood at what turned out to be a very profitable American crossroads. Martha, the professional homemaker, neatly sidestepped the Great Debate, and openly embraced the contradictions of her time. By combining a feminist ethic with a traditional family woman's aesthetic, Stewart covered all the bases.       

Then, as it so often must in the public drama of the American Rich, The Tide Turned. (For one thing, word got out that she was unkind to the help-never a good P.R. move.) To understand why she might be going to jail, it is necessary to understand why, for all her billion dollars, Martha Stewart never quite Made It.    

The rich, along with the powerful, the influential and the self-proclaimed Holy, have people around them to do the dirty work, and to take the heat. The True Believers, the Devoted, get the privilege of fighting, dying or killing, while their masters forego the joys of martyrdom.    

Devoted Kennedy worshipper Mary Jo Kopechne slowly drowned while Ted Kennedy spent those infamous nine hours doing…..God knows what. A month later, Patricia Krenwinkle, Leslie Van Houten and Charles "Tex" Watson paid a visit to Sharon Tate, while Charlie Manson waited behind at the Spahn Ranch. Continuing the family tradition begun at Ludlow, Nelson Rockefeller sent his militia into Attica with guns blazing. E. Howard Hunt, G. Gordon Liddy, et al hit the beach at Watergate (hunting for Commies, no doubt) while R. Milhous Nixon made nice with Chairman Mao. And, of course, Mohammad Atta and his 18 cohorts got to meet Allah long before Osama bin Laden did.    

This is what Martha Stewart didn't get: to be really RICH, you've got to have someone clean up after you, and not just in the kitchen. For all her status as the quintessential domestic Goddess, Martha Stewart didn't have any real worshippers. Nor, apparently, did she even have guards at the gates. She should have had at least one person in her entourage telling her that in the age of Enron, Tyco and World Com, the Feds were hot for nailing a prominent White Collar Crook.    Was Stewart's treatment unfair? Probably, but as Ted Kennedy's brother Jack said, life usually is.    

Yes, Martha, the rich really are different. For one thing, they don't go to prison.                 

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